So why so much guilt?

For some people it seems like an inferior form of sexual expression - at least when compared to sex with a partner. But this is simply wrong - masturbation is the simplest form of sexual pleasure, and, free of the emotional issues that can surround sex with a partner, it can be an easy and satisfying way of responding to your sexual urge.

Masturbation needs to be celebrated, not allowed to induce guilt. But overcoming the guilt can be difficult - for many men, it was instilled at the hands of their mother, at a very early age, when she told them not to touch themselves "down there". Well, there never was going to be a less effective instruction to a boy than that! But of course the consequence of our mothers' difficulty with our innocent sexuality when we were babies may be that the experience and enjoyment of our own bodies is taken away from us, or we are made to feel ashamed in some way of our maleness and what we can do with it: hardly a good position from which to achieve true emotional health.

The question is, what can men do to feel better about masturbation? One thing's for sure, men will do it, whether or not they feel guilty or bad about it. The answer, then, lies in changing our attitudes so that we can enjoy masturbating, and indeed celebrate it, as an essential part of our maleness.

Perhaps our masturbation becomes more controlled as we get older but it still goes on, even when men have sexual partners. For heterosexual men, masturbation is often secret, and a wife who discovers what her man is doing will fail to understand his need to masturbate, and assume in some way it reflects badly on her. We need to explain that it is a normal part of our experience of maleness, a healthy and rewarding thing to do.